Published on December 5, 2004 By Solnac In Politics
*sighs* Ok, you conservatives, you win. We liberals are out to ruin civilization as we know it. So I'm going to let you have a small peek at my to do list:

1) Empower lazy bums to sit on their asses. Start by making a reasonable demand that everyone in the country should have basic necessities for life: food, roof over head, and be in reasonably good health. Then we'll move the cable TV in...

2) Sound pseudointellectual and recite statistics about IQ in blue states that really don't mean anything. Ignore statistics that show the other side (donations per capita in red states).

3) Refer to states by color. Ignore anything colored red.

4) Personally mock little whip by calling her a sadomascohist because of her forum name. Ignore the fact that a political whip is a member of the party that keeps the troops in line. Waste large amounts of time doing this and to the rest of the conservative bloggers.

5) Meet with dabe, Myrrander, T_Bone for Justice, thatoneguyinslc, and sandy2 and unveil all of the above and this list. Be sure to mark the next Cult of Kerry meeting on the calendar. Sacrifice Rush Limbaugh to our great lord and master. He's doped up, so he won't feel the pain...

6) Be sly and ridicule Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh's corpse. Be sure to include the fact that we think all Republicans think and feel the same way they do and there are, in fact, no moderates. Include some jokes involving Jerry Falwell and closet homophobia ("You are what you rail against the most...").

7) Propose a raise of taxes on everyone 200% to pay for our spending projects, but slash war budget by a half. Our soldiers don't need good armored trucks...wait, that's already a problem. They don't need trucks.

8) Make peace with terrorists. Disband military when Hillary wins in 2008.

9) Go to bed to dream about moving to Canada, where socialism rules and it is, in fact, the perfect liberal utopia. Include all the reasons of why I hate America on my blog. Do not offer solutions.

10) Empatize with every terrorist group. Visit and make deals with all of them like Kerry supposed to in Vietnam. Point out to conservatives that Congress found nothing wrong with Kerry meeting with the VC, and most of them are lawyers. Define treason.

11) Remind Republicans daily how vastly smarter and superior we are. Remind them that all of us believe they've rigged every election they've been in, goddammit, and none of believe that suspicion of elections or cheating may in fact just be growing pains.

12) Remember: all Democratic pundits are God, all Republican ones are scum.

13) Change the Constitution to allow marrying dogs and cats. It's supposed to be the next step after homosexuals get married!

14) Reinforce all positive things about the Democrat stereotype, and make sure everyone knows all the negative things about the Republican stereotype. Remember, we're all in this together.

Well, that's about it. If I reveal too much more, you'll know all our secrets.

The AWM/wolf dragon sighing (or is that laughter),

Sol

Comments
on Dec 05, 2004
You forgot T_Bone in item 5. We must include T_Bone.
on Dec 05, 2004
Shhhhh You FOOL! Now they will know what we are up to! We are re-locating you to the Streisand reprogramming camp ASAP. Pack your bags!
on Dec 05, 2004
Shhhhh You FOOL! Now they will know what we are up to! We are re-locating you to the Streisand reprogramming camp ASAP. Pack your bags!


Dammit!!! I don't wanna go to Striesand. Have either of you noticed although I've mocked stereotypes of liberals, that not a single one of our conservative analogs have bothered to laugh or even comment?
on Dec 05, 2004
It's not funny if YOU do it.